8 Steps to Choosing Yourself, Without Feeling Selfish

To go wrong in one’s own way is better than to go right in someone else’s. — Fyodor Dostoevsky

 “I don’t get it,” Maya said.

We had been sitting in silence for a while when she looked up and said, “You talk about choosing yourself… but you also talk about surrender, about not being selfish.”

She looked genuinely confused. “How can both be true?”

It’s a question many of us have especially those of us have lived most of their lives attending to everyone else’s needs before our own.

So I asked her, “What if choosing yourself doesn’t mean putting yourself above others — but simply no longer placing yourself beneath them?”

“Is there a practical way to do it? How do I practice it everyday?,” she asked.

This is how the PRACTISE Framework for choosing yourself was born.

Here’s a 8-step framework we discussed in a webinar.

It’s something we call PRACTISE.

Here's what each letter stands for.

P – Presence Over Past

Speak, act, think from the present, and let the past fall away like an old leaf making way for a new beginning. 

If you hold on to old memories of hurt and anger, you will be stuck in your past. If you hold on to the present, you will begin to flow.

R – Rituals That Anchor You

Create something daily that brings you back to center. Whether it’s BLISS Meditation or a morning walk with your senses awakened,
remember—your habits eventually heal you.

No one ever got stronger by going to the gym once, no one ever healed by meditating once.

A – Awareness Before Action

Don’t act from impulse. Pause and ask: “What part of me wants to speak right now? Is it fear… or clarity?”

Then proceed.

Awareness first. Action second.

C – Choose Your Joy

Simple joys matter. But don’t forget the value of complex joys—those deeper hobbies that require focus and attention. Such as painting, yoga, singing, dancing, writing.

Anything that can make you forget your sense of self and track of time, is healing you.

T – Trust Your Intuition

Your intuition awakens when you listen deeply—especially during real conversations.
 

It also awakens when you go into silence and let that silence lead.

I – Integrate your Ego

Don’t blame others for your inner conflicts. Take complete responsibility for your inward clarity. See what part of you is still controlling, identifying, attaching to ideas.

Look for the desires beneath your desires, and fears beneath your fears.

That’s the way to clarity and wisdom.

S – Say a Strong No

A strong No is more powerful than a weak Yes.

Most relationships don’t end from honest disagreement—they end from dishonest agreement.

A weak Yes creates resentment, confusion, and emotional distance. But a compassionate No builds clarity.

When you say No with kindness and presence, you serve both yourself and the relationship.

E – Expect Less

Expectation turns life into a battle with how things “should” be. But when you let go of that, you begin to meet life as it actually is.

And often, that’s more beautiful than what you imagined.