Are you Afraid of Losing them?

Hold them like water, not like a rope to which you cling for dear life.

We all long for closeness.

To feel seen, safe and understood.

But in that longing, something subtle can happen—we begin to grasp.

We cling to our partners.

We begin to expect them to make us feel safe, protected, loved.

Yet like water in our hands, the tighter we close our fists, the less we’re able to hold.

What starts as a longing for emotional safety, slowly changes.

It becomes attachment.

That attachment turns into expectation.

Expectation into fear.

Fear into control.

And control, becomes resentment.

And now—what you wanted to keep, you’re at risk of losing.

We don’t mean to do it.

We just want to feel safe.

But no relationship survives when love becomes overpowered by attachment.

Here are 3 shifts that can help you loosen this grip, and build a connection that actually lasts:

1. Recognize the Weight of your Expectations

Every expectation we place silently weighs on the relationship.

You may expect your partner to reassure you, validate you, read your emotions.

But over time, that weight becomes felt—and it creates pressure.

Start by asking: Where does this expectation come from?

You may find it comes from an unresolved event in your own past. It often has got nothing to do with them.

Once you understand what it was, you will release the expectation naturally.

2. Accept, Instead of Idealizing them

We fall in love with people, but we often stay entangled with the idea of them.

The idea comes from comparing them to others, or some imaginary lack we are seeking to fulfill.

It hurts when they don’t meet that idea.

True intimacy begins when we stop trying to change people into versions that are comforting to us.

And instead see them fully, with all their complexity, as they are.

Acceptance doesn’t mean passivity.

It means you stop fighting who someone is.

if you stop fighting who they are, you might meet a version of them which is entirely new, and yet easy to fall in love with.

3. Come Back to Yourself

The more grounded you are within, the less you're thrown by what they do.

Then suddenly you realize all of that emotional upheaval you experienced, was for nothing.

When your joy, clarity, and wholeness start with you, you start giving them the space to be themselves—without pressure or fear.

That’s when your relationship begins to breathe again.

Letting go of expectations isn’t about letting go of love.

It’s about letting go of the grip that strangles it.

Hold them like water in your hands, not like a rope you're clinging to for dear life.

The more tightly you hold, the more you risk losing the very thing you’re trying to protect.

So ask yourself

Where am I holding too tightly?

And what would it look like to gently let go?