Do you often lose Control?
Apr 19, 2024
Here are a few ways you can stop Reacting and start Responding.
Today, we delve into the art of transforming reactions into responses. It's a journey toward deeper awareness and a more meaningful way of engaging in everyday life.
Let’s look at some of the differences and understand how to go from constantly reacting to responding in daily life.
Reacting:
When we are reacting, we are doing it mindlessly or automatically.
We recall past experiences, be overwhelmed with the emotions that arise, and allow those emotions to respond.
Our actions are predetermined, not spontaneous, even though they feel spontaneous.
Reaction is always from a memory in the past.
This is why when we react, the past repeats.
Responding:
On the other hand, responding happens from a state of alert presence.
Our actions are spontaneous, in the moment, even though they feel controlled and planned.
This is so because responding involves un-preparing ourselves.
We have to let go of our past to allow for spontaneity.
We entrust our responses to intuition and trust it to guide us.
Responding is not from memory, but to a new, evolving situation.
This is why when we respond, we bring about a different future.
Here a 4 ways we can switch from Reacting to Responding:
- Breathing Correctly in Stressful situations:
During a reaction, our breath becomes erratic, and our heart rate soars.
Our past takes over, and we lose control over our words and actions.
Instead, take a few deep and conscious breaths.
Conscious breathing regulates our heart rate and calms our mind and body down.
We become present and gain deeper control of our actions and words.
Example: I have a difficult meeting at work. Instead of rushing about, I take a few moments to close my eyes. I pay attention to my breath and take even and steady 20 breaths. My mind becomes calm.
- Practicing Patience in Uncertainty:
When we react to a problem, we become impatient.
We seek immediate solutions and rush towards them.
This speed builds anxiety and confusion.
Responding means observing the problem patiently.
We let go of the need for an immediate fix and instead, slow down to gain a deeper understanding of what is going on.
Soon, in the slowness of the present, a solution appears.
Example: I have to wait for a medical result. Instead of Google searching what may be wrong with me, I become patient with not knowing. I wait for the right course of action and the doctor to tell me what it means.
- Actively Listening to Hurt or Criticism:
When hurt, our natural inclination might be to strike back.
Fear and anger take over, and we do what feels satisfying in the moment.
We let our Ego win.
Responding to hurt involves undivided listening.
We become alert and listen to what they are saying or doing.
Our deep listening shows us what place their hurtful words are coming from.
We begin to formulate a correct response without even trying.
We say the appropriate words at the right moment, in the right manner.
Sometimes that response is pushing back against what they are saying.
Sometimes, it is silence.
Whatever that intuitive response is, it resolves the situation.
Example: My partner is telling me about my behaviors which they want me to change. I stop doing whatever I am doing. I keep down my phone and other distractions. I become alert.
I listen to what they are saying without judgment.
The place they are saying it from becomes clear. I am not angry.
I understand and acknowledge the truth in their words.
- Slowing down when Fear strikes:
In the face of fear, reacting can lead to panic and irrational decisions driven by the need to escape the discomfort.
Responding to fear means embracing it with focus and slowness.
We go deeper into the fear, not run from it.
We allow the unpleasant experience to exist and settle into that feeling.
Soon, fear begins to dissipate and right action shows itself.
Example: I get news that I might lose my job.
Instead of panicking and calling different people, I close my eyes and slow my mind down.
I ease into the new information I received.
I settle down into fear.
I move with my fear.
I begin to feel that, no matter what happens, I will be okay.
In Conclusion:
Shifting from reacting to responding is a profound journey of self-awareness. It's about recognizing the patterns that govern our reactions and consciously choosing a different path.
As we embrace responding over reacting, we become more attuned to the present moment and the wisdom of our intuition.
Do you struggle with responding in daily life?
What were some of the challenges you’re facing today?
PS: Watch this video on 5 Effective Ways to be Present