How Do I Let Go of Control When Everything in Me Wants to Push Harder?

Where there is no surrender, there is no beauty.
Where there is surrender, everything that is, is beautiful.

A Moment of Recognition

Yesterday, I watched my son trying to connect two LEGO pieces. His little face was red with effort. His hands were shaking from pushing so hard.

The pieces wouldn't fit. The harder he pushed, the more they resisted.

I sat beside him and said, "Take a breath with me." 

We inhaled together. Long and slow. Then we exhaled, letting all that tension flow out.

In that space of breath, his hands relaxed. The LEGO pieces slipped together perfectly.


He looked up at me with bright eyes and said, "Thanks, Dad."

What changed? Not the LEGO. Not his hands. Only his resistance.

This is the key that most of us miss.

We think the problem is out there. The difficult person. The stubborn situation. The thing that won't bend to our will.

But the real struggle lives in our pushing. Our resistance to what is creates the very suffering we're trying to escape.

When we stop fighting the current, we discover something beautiful. The river was always ready to carry us. We just needed to let it.

Learning from Water

Think about water for a moment.

Water never fights. It never forces. Yet it carved the Grand Canyon. It nourishes every living thing on our planet.

Water surrenders to gravity, yet it rises as mist. It yields to any container, yet it can break through solid rock.

The action of surrender is always gentle, like rainwater. This is exactly why it penetrates the ground and brings life to everything it touches.

Water shows us that true power comes not from pushing harder, but from flowing with what is. When water meets a mountain, it doesn't try to move it. It finds the path around, through, or over.

In time, the mountain itself is transformed.

Surrender is Everywhere.

Surrender is everywhere, once you learn to see it.

The tree surrenders its leaves each fall, trusting that spring will come. The seed surrenders its hard shell to become a mighty oak.

Your lungs surrender the breath you just took, knowing the next one will come. Your heart surrenders each beat, creating the rhythm of your life.

Even sleep is Surrender. Every night, you let go of control completely, only then can you fall asleep.

And what happens? You wake up renewed.


You don’t control much, and what you think you control, you will realize is an illusion.

When to Act, When to Let Go

Anything you accomplished in life, you’ll realize a lot of things had to go right for you to get there.

But that doesn’t mean we never try.

Effort is necessary. But how much effort?

This is what I realized. The balance is simple once this principle is understood.

Surrender until it's time to act. Then act until it's time to surrender.

There is a Yin-Yang relationship between the two.

Or like the sign of infinity, they move into each other in a continuous flow.

Your Practice This Week

Here are three gentle ways to explore surrender in your own life:

1. Slowing of Breath

When you feel yourself pushing hard against something, pause. Take three deep breaths. Ask yourself: "Can I slow down?"

2. Trying Easy

Each time you struggle with something, ask yourself, “How can I try easy? How can I move forward with less effort?”

3. Trusting more

Learn to let go. Trust more. You already trust your heart to beat the next minute. Why not trust a little more and see what happens.

Remember, you don't have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders. Some burdens are meant to be set down.

Some doors are meant to be opened gently.

Some paths are meant to be walked with ease.