How Do I Stop Struggling with Everything When I'm Trying So Hard to Get It Right?

You are not struggling because you aren't trying enough. You are struggling because you are trying too hard.

The Artist's Dilemma

Have you ever watched a child draw?

When my son does some painting he simply picks up his crayon and lets it dance across the paper. No tension in his shoulders. No worry about the outcome. Just pure creation flowing through.

Sometimes he starts off with one thing, but ends up drawing something else.

Think about the last time you tried to create something.


Maybe it was a presentation at work. A piece of furniture. A song. A painting. Or a conversation with someone you love. 

Did you feel ease? Or did you feel hesitation, pressure and resistance?

Did you discover something new, or did you worry about failing to meet a standard?

The Middle Path of Creation

There's an ancient form of Zen painting, Hitsuzendō (The Way of the Brush) where artists do something remarkable. If they sense even a hint of struggle or striving while creating, they destroy the entire painting and start fresh.

This isn't about perfectionism. It's about understanding a profound truth, that reality is effortless. That when the universe creates, it does not make a lot of noise.


It does not struggle.

Hitsuzendō  is alignment with the highest principle of creation - effortless flow.

When we force our creativity, we kill it. When we try too hard, our art becomes tight and lifeless. Our words lose their natural rhythm. Our actions feel mechanical and strained.

But here's what's interesting. Complete surrender doesn't work either.

You can't paint in your sleep. You can't write a letter by just sitting there. You still need to pick up the brush. You still need to show up and do the work.

So where does this leave us? Right in the middle. In that space between trying too much and trying too little.

Think of it like a boat floating downstream. The river carries it forward, but there's still a boat holding everything together. It's not just logs thrown into the water. When the current pushes toward a dangerous rock, the boatman gently paddles away from it.

There's effort involved, but it's the right kind of effort.


There is direction and action, but there is no friction.


Effortless effort. Trying without trying.

Finding Your Flow

This balance isn't just for artists. It's the secret to everything in life.

When you speak to your boss, can you find that place where your words flow naturally? Not forced or rehearsed, but also not careless or unprepared?

When you work on a project, can you give it your full attention without that tight grip of anxiety? Can you care deeply while holding the outcome lightly?

The key is learning to recognize when you're trying too hard. Your shoulders get tense. Your breathing becomes shallow. You start thinking more about the result than the process.

That's your signal to step back. To try easy instead of trying hard.

Practical Steps

Practice the Pause

Before starting any important task, take 5 conscious breaths. Ask yourself: "Am I approaching this with ease or with force?" Adjust accordingly.

The 20% Rule

When working on something creative, aim to use 20% less effort. Leave 20% space for flow to enter. Notice how this changes the quality of your work.

Outcome Awareness

When you catch yourself obsessing over results, gently redirect your attention back to the present action. The outcome will take care of itself when you're fully present to the process.

Remember, flow is underneath everything. It's waiting for you in that magical space between pushing too hard and giving up completely.

Trust the process. Trust yourself. And let your natural creativity guide the way.