That Voice in Your Head...Who Does it Belong To?

Not every voice in your head is yours—some voices were given to you.

(5 min read)

The other day, I was talking to a client.

I asked her to practice meditation every morning, stick to a discipline.

She looked at me and said, “It's too much. I can’t do it.”  Her voice was flat—like she had already decided.

I just looked straight into her eyes and asked, “Yes… but who is saying that?”

She blinked. “What do you mean? I am.”

I shook my head gently. “No. Who is really saying it?”

"I don't understand.", she said.

"You said you can't do something without really trying it. So I am asking, where have you heard those words before?"

Then something shifted in her expression.

“…You know what?” she said.

“Funny you ask me that. Those are the exact words my mother used to say when I was small. Every time my dad asked her to wake us up a little earlier, so me and my brother wouldn't be so late to school, she would reply to him with that -- It's too much, I can't do it. That led to a lot of fights between my parents. My parents eventually divorced each other too.”

"Exactly. So who is really talking?", I asked.

"My mother."

Learned Helplessness

That voice wasn’t hers.

She had just been carrying it for so long, it felt like her own.

Because it spoke every time she faced something challenging.


She had learned how to feel helpless when she was asked to step outside her comfort zone.


In reality, she was neither helpless, nor weak.


How many of us have learned to be helpless? Learned to be doubtful? Learned to be guilty? Learned to be ashamed? Learned to be ugly? Learned to be never enough? 

… because of someone else's persistent feedback?

Not every voice in your head is yours. Not every voice is your intuition. Not every voice is true.

Some voices were given to you.

Spoken by people who were afraid. People who didn’t believe in themselves — and unknowingly passed down their fears to you.

Healing begins when you stop confusing those voices with your own voice, with the truth.

It is time to start listening to yourself.

False Self-Awareness

Most of our self-criticism doesn’t come from genuine self-awareness. If it did, it might actually help us change.

But, it comes from someone else’s fears, internalized so deeply that we mistook them for truth.

A parent’s worry.  A teacher’s disappointment. A society’s projection.

We believed them. And that belief eventually became our identity.

But today, you have a choice.

When the voice of judgment speaks, pause and ask:

• Who is speaking?

• Is this really me, or an echo of someone else?

Then go further.

Bring your true voice back by rejecting the one that never belonged to you.

Ask yourself:

1. Is this really true?

2. What does my intuition say?

3. What would a self-realized version of me do?

Let each one of those questions sit.

Let answers arise.

This is how the spell of negative self-talk breaks.

And when it does?

You’ll find that you are wiser, more loving, and far more capable than you were ever led to believe.

The life force within you was never waiting for permission.

It was only waiting for you to decide that you are free.